And just like that, it's done.
For the past two months, I have been working in Colorado Springs, CO as a counseling intern at Focus on the Family. I was lured into this adventure by a single phone call while in my dorm room at Capital University. It was my mom.
"You should check out some internships!"
"But I really want to do a mission trip with Cru," I explained.
"Just give it a shot! And maybe check out Focus on the Family."
"I guess I'll check it out. They probably won't have a counseling internship though."
Mom always knows best.
As it turns out, the counseling internship is their most sought-after program. One of the reasons that is so is because the internship provides rigorous work that is combined with education unable to be obtained even in counseling graduate programs. As I kept reading about it, I realized it would probably be a good idea to try for it. However, I kept opportunities open to go on mission trips to various areas in the U.S., including Chicago, Detroit, and California.
But God had a plan.
The road to obtaining this internship was quite a chaotic and frustrating one, but it was all part of the journey. I began the drive out to Colorado in late May, brimming with excitement and nervousness at the opportunity He had set forth in my path. Colorado Springs came into sight on 25 North and I immediately thought...
I'm going to be here for two months. By myself.
I was being plopped into a situation that was completely unique to me. There was a fresh slate, with absolutely nothing on it. Now, that can either be a very empowering or very terrifying circumstance. For me, it was a mixture of both. I was about to embark on what I knew God was calling me into, which was counseling in ministry. And my goodness, when you feel the Lord call you into something, it is a very encouraging and exciting emotion that stirs about in you.
But within that excitement, there's that doubt that also creeps into your head.
"What if you say the wrong thing?"
"Did God really call you into this?"
"What if other interns are better at this than you?"
"You won't make any friends."
These are the phrases and questions that were swirling about in my inconclusive mind. And with every question and phrase was a stabbing feeling of uncertainty and unsteadiness. As I saw my family walk out the door that night, I felt myself become all alone. This was it. This was the beginning.
But it was the beginning of a life-changing experience.
My internship at Focus not only solidified my calling into ministry, but it also gave me the opportunity to wrestle with my feelings of doubt, self-worth and insecurity. It showed me that obstacles are noplaced in my path by accident, but it is rather an opportunity to rely on the dependence we need to show towards God.
Are you terrified of a certain upcoming experience? Maybe it's a new college or school. Maybe it's a move you weren't expecting. Maybe it's treatment for a disease that came up out of nowhere. In any circumstance that you are about to face, I want you to know three things.
It's okay to be nervous.
Psalms 56:3 says, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You." It doesn't say, "When I am afraid, I'll push it aside and pretend like I am okay." If we do not examine our hearts and pinpoint our anxiety or uneasiness, we have pushed aside the very inner soul that God has placed in our shell of skin. It has emotions. It feels. And these things it feels are unable to be avoided or masked fully.
Want to know why? Because God created us that way.
When God made Adam and Eve, He said that it was "very good." And He said that it was good because the two of them felt emotion towards each other AND towards the Creator. We were made emotional before the sin of the world entered. Now that sin is here, our emotions can sense pain. They can sense hurt. They can sense nervousness.
Now it's one thing to be nervous. It's another thing to react to nervousness improperly.
Bring your emotions to the Lord.
Isn't that a pretty picture? Give your emotion to Jesus and all will be happy and nice and wonderful. Sounds like a big, sweet, fattening slice of prosperity Gospel thinking. And if you read it as "Bring your emotions to Jesus and YOU will benefit because YOU need this for YOURSELF"...yeah, it's a pretty empty statement.
But is the Gospel ever about us?
Let me answer that for you: Nope. It was never about us, nor should it ever be about us. Therefore, bringing your emotion before the Lord should not be out of a need for self-fulfillment or a hope for everything to feel great again. It should be out of a heart that is in need of God and God alone. We shouldn't expect a comfortable outcome when we cast our anxieties on Him. We should expect Him to do whatever He wants to do with the situation.
Let the outcome bring glory to God.
This is easily the hardest thing for me to do, especially if the outcome is more hurt and more pain. After all, isn't God a loving God? Doesn't He want what is best for me?
Of course. But being refined by fire means you have to go through the fire.
What is best for us is to do what we were created to do, and that is to bring glory to our Creator. If an invention does not do what it was made to do, it does not serve the purpose the inventor intended for it to have. Now, God does not make mistakes. But He does allow us to act on our own free will. But, in allowing us to have our own free will, we have the opportunity to serve our God the way He wants us to.
The outcome of the situation does not change the purpose of our lives.
I will be the first to say that this internship had it's fair share of frustrating and uncomfortable times. But through this internship, I can say that God's Hand was on me, even if the internship was a complete train wreck. I can say that because God put this mountain in my way for a reason. That hike up and down that mountain was incredible, relational, frustrating, and tedious. But above all, it was an opportunity. An opportunity to see God's sovereignty and grace to a wretch of a sinner such as myself.
Through this opportunity, I had the privilege of meeting fellow hikers (both literally and figuratively) who were going through the same struggle. And banding together while sharing in the laughs and tears was as important as the hike itself.
To my fellow interns: I love you so dearly. I miss you so dearly. But I rejoice that I was able to go on this journey with such a fierce and loyal group. I am so grateful for each and every one of you, and I pray that you would continue to allow God to lead you to more mountains to see what a great God He is.
This life is an adventure, my friends. Don't ever stop hiking.
For the past two months, I have been working in Colorado Springs, CO as a counseling intern at Focus on the Family. I was lured into this adventure by a single phone call while in my dorm room at Capital University. It was my mom.
"You should check out some internships!"
"But I really want to do a mission trip with Cru," I explained.
"Just give it a shot! And maybe check out Focus on the Family."
"I guess I'll check it out. They probably won't have a counseling internship though."
Mom always knows best.
As it turns out, the counseling internship is their most sought-after program. One of the reasons that is so is because the internship provides rigorous work that is combined with education unable to be obtained even in counseling graduate programs. As I kept reading about it, I realized it would probably be a good idea to try for it. However, I kept opportunities open to go on mission trips to various areas in the U.S., including Chicago, Detroit, and California.
But God had a plan.
The road to obtaining this internship was quite a chaotic and frustrating one, but it was all part of the journey. I began the drive out to Colorado in late May, brimming with excitement and nervousness at the opportunity He had set forth in my path. Colorado Springs came into sight on 25 North and I immediately thought...
I'm going to be here for two months. By myself.
I was being plopped into a situation that was completely unique to me. There was a fresh slate, with absolutely nothing on it. Now, that can either be a very empowering or very terrifying circumstance. For me, it was a mixture of both. I was about to embark on what I knew God was calling me into, which was counseling in ministry. And my goodness, when you feel the Lord call you into something, it is a very encouraging and exciting emotion that stirs about in you.
But within that excitement, there's that doubt that also creeps into your head.
"What if you say the wrong thing?"
"Did God really call you into this?"
"What if other interns are better at this than you?"
"You won't make any friends."
These are the phrases and questions that were swirling about in my inconclusive mind. And with every question and phrase was a stabbing feeling of uncertainty and unsteadiness. As I saw my family walk out the door that night, I felt myself become all alone. This was it. This was the beginning.
But it was the beginning of a life-changing experience.
My internship at Focus not only solidified my calling into ministry, but it also gave me the opportunity to wrestle with my feelings of doubt, self-worth and insecurity. It showed me that obstacles are noplaced in my path by accident, but it is rather an opportunity to rely on the dependence we need to show towards God.
Are you terrified of a certain upcoming experience? Maybe it's a new college or school. Maybe it's a move you weren't expecting. Maybe it's treatment for a disease that came up out of nowhere. In any circumstance that you are about to face, I want you to know three things.
It's okay to be nervous.
Psalms 56:3 says, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You." It doesn't say, "When I am afraid, I'll push it aside and pretend like I am okay." If we do not examine our hearts and pinpoint our anxiety or uneasiness, we have pushed aside the very inner soul that God has placed in our shell of skin. It has emotions. It feels. And these things it feels are unable to be avoided or masked fully.
Want to know why? Because God created us that way.
When God made Adam and Eve, He said that it was "very good." And He said that it was good because the two of them felt emotion towards each other AND towards the Creator. We were made emotional before the sin of the world entered. Now that sin is here, our emotions can sense pain. They can sense hurt. They can sense nervousness.
Now it's one thing to be nervous. It's another thing to react to nervousness improperly.
Bring your emotions to the Lord.
Isn't that a pretty picture? Give your emotion to Jesus and all will be happy and nice and wonderful. Sounds like a big, sweet, fattening slice of prosperity Gospel thinking. And if you read it as "Bring your emotions to Jesus and YOU will benefit because YOU need this for YOURSELF"...yeah, it's a pretty empty statement.
But is the Gospel ever about us?
Let me answer that for you: Nope. It was never about us, nor should it ever be about us. Therefore, bringing your emotion before the Lord should not be out of a need for self-fulfillment or a hope for everything to feel great again. It should be out of a heart that is in need of God and God alone. We shouldn't expect a comfortable outcome when we cast our anxieties on Him. We should expect Him to do whatever He wants to do with the situation.
Let the outcome bring glory to God.
This is easily the hardest thing for me to do, especially if the outcome is more hurt and more pain. After all, isn't God a loving God? Doesn't He want what is best for me?
Of course. But being refined by fire means you have to go through the fire.
What is best for us is to do what we were created to do, and that is to bring glory to our Creator. If an invention does not do what it was made to do, it does not serve the purpose the inventor intended for it to have. Now, God does not make mistakes. But He does allow us to act on our own free will. But, in allowing us to have our own free will, we have the opportunity to serve our God the way He wants us to.
The outcome of the situation does not change the purpose of our lives.
I will be the first to say that this internship had it's fair share of frustrating and uncomfortable times. But through this internship, I can say that God's Hand was on me, even if the internship was a complete train wreck. I can say that because God put this mountain in my way for a reason. That hike up and down that mountain was incredible, relational, frustrating, and tedious. But above all, it was an opportunity. An opportunity to see God's sovereignty and grace to a wretch of a sinner such as myself.
Through this opportunity, I had the privilege of meeting fellow hikers (both literally and figuratively) who were going through the same struggle. And banding together while sharing in the laughs and tears was as important as the hike itself.
To my fellow interns: I love you so dearly. I miss you so dearly. But I rejoice that I was able to go on this journey with such a fierce and loyal group. I am so grateful for each and every one of you, and I pray that you would continue to allow God to lead you to more mountains to see what a great God He is.
This life is an adventure, my friends. Don't ever stop hiking.