"God is in the business of speeding things up for you."
We all know that feeling.
And just like that, it's done. For the past two months, I have been working in Colorado Springs, CO as a counseling intern at Focus on the Family. I was lured into this adventure by a single phone call while in my dorm room at Capital University. It was my mom. "You should check out some internships!" "But I really want to do a mission trip with Cru," I explained. "Just give it a shot! And maybe check out Focus on the Family." "I guess I'll check it out. They probably won't have a counseling internship though." Mom always knows best. As it turns out, the counseling internship is their most sought-after program. One of the reasons that is so is because the internship provides rigorous work that is combined with education unable to be obtained even in counseling graduate programs. As I kept reading about it, I realized it would probably be a good idea to try for it. However, I kept opportunities open to go on mission trips to various areas in the U.S., including Chicago, Detroit, and California. But God had a plan. The road to obtaining this internship was quite a chaotic and frustrating one, but it was all part of the journey. I began the drive out to Colorado in late May, brimming with excitement and nervousness at the opportunity He had set forth in my path. Colorado Springs came into sight on 25 North and I immediately thought... I'm going to be here for two months. By myself. I was being plopped into a situation that was completely unique to me. There was a fresh slate, with absolutely nothing on it. Now, that can either be a very empowering or very terrifying circumstance. For me, it was a mixture of both. I was about to embark on what I knew God was calling me into, which was counseling in ministry. And my goodness, when you feel the Lord call you into something, it is a very encouraging and exciting emotion that stirs about in you. But within that excitement, there's that doubt that also creeps into your head. "What if you say the wrong thing?" "Did God really call you into this?" "What if other interns are better at this than you?" "You won't make any friends." These are the phrases and questions that were swirling about in my inconclusive mind. And with every question and phrase was a stabbing feeling of uncertainty and unsteadiness. As I saw my family walk out the door that night, I felt myself become all alone. This was it. This was the beginning. But it was the beginning of a life-changing experience. My internship at Focus not only solidified my calling into ministry, but it also gave me the opportunity to wrestle with my feelings of doubt, self-worth and insecurity. It showed me that obstacles are noplaced in my path by accident, but it is rather an opportunity to rely on the dependence we need to show towards God. Are you terrified of a certain upcoming experience? Maybe it's a new college or school. Maybe it's a move you weren't expecting. Maybe it's treatment for a disease that came up out of nowhere. In any circumstance that you are about to face, I want you to know three things. It's okay to be nervous. Psalms 56:3 says, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in You." It doesn't say, "When I am afraid, I'll push it aside and pretend like I am okay." If we do not examine our hearts and pinpoint our anxiety or uneasiness, we have pushed aside the very inner soul that God has placed in our shell of skin. It has emotions. It feels. And these things it feels are unable to be avoided or masked fully. Want to know why? Because God created us that way. When God made Adam and Eve, He said that it was "very good." And He said that it was good because the two of them felt emotion towards each other AND towards the Creator. We were made emotional before the sin of the world entered. Now that sin is here, our emotions can sense pain. They can sense hurt. They can sense nervousness. Now it's one thing to be nervous. It's another thing to react to nervousness improperly. Bring your emotions to the Lord. Isn't that a pretty picture? Give your emotion to Jesus and all will be happy and nice and wonderful. Sounds like a big, sweet, fattening slice of prosperity Gospel thinking. And if you read it as "Bring your emotions to Jesus and YOU will benefit because YOU need this for YOURSELF"...yeah, it's a pretty empty statement. But is the Gospel ever about us? Let me answer that for you: Nope. It was never about us, nor should it ever be about us. Therefore, bringing your emotion before the Lord should not be out of a need for self-fulfillment or a hope for everything to feel great again. It should be out of a heart that is in need of God and God alone. We shouldn't expect a comfortable outcome when we cast our anxieties on Him. We should expect Him to do whatever He wants to do with the situation. Let the outcome bring glory to God. This is easily the hardest thing for me to do, especially if the outcome is more hurt and more pain. After all, isn't God a loving God? Doesn't He want what is best for me? Of course. But being refined by fire means you have to go through the fire. What is best for us is to do what we were created to do, and that is to bring glory to our Creator. If an invention does not do what it was made to do, it does not serve the purpose the inventor intended for it to have. Now, God does not make mistakes. But He does allow us to act on our own free will. But, in allowing us to have our own free will, we have the opportunity to serve our God the way He wants us to. The outcome of the situation does not change the purpose of our lives. I will be the first to say that this internship had it's fair share of frustrating and uncomfortable times. But through this internship, I can say that God's Hand was on me, even if the internship was a complete train wreck. I can say that because God put this mountain in my way for a reason. That hike up and down that mountain was incredible, relational, frustrating, and tedious. But above all, it was an opportunity. An opportunity to see God's sovereignty and grace to a wretch of a sinner such as myself. Through this opportunity, I had the privilege of meeting fellow hikers (both literally and figuratively) who were going through the same struggle. And banding together while sharing in the laughs and tears was as important as the hike itself. To my fellow interns: I love you so dearly. I miss you so dearly. But I rejoice that I was able to go on this journey with such a fierce and loyal group. I am so grateful for each and every one of you, and I pray that you would continue to allow God to lead you to more mountains to see what a great God He is. This life is an adventure, my friends. Don't ever stop hiking. I've lost myself in Colorado. I am currently on a summer internship in the counseling department of the international non-profit ministry Focus on the Family. It's located in - you guessed it - Colorado Springs, Colorado. Many people describe Colorado as mountainous, beautiful, and unpredictable when it comes to weather. As a whole, that description is 100% accurate. However, many people forget to point out the fact that Colorado has an immeasurable amount of lakes, rivers, and springs. Water is spread widely across this great state, and I have been able to visit a couple of these incredible bodies of water for myself. From the Arkansas River (which is lots of fun to go white water rafting on) to Lilly Lake in Estes Park, the watery scenery pervades the expectant eye of the Colorado adventurer. And in many ways, it pervaded my eyes. It also showed me a lot more than just a pleasant, glassy overlook. It showed me God. Let's think about this for a second. Water can come in many different forms. It can come dripping from a faucet, exerting a gentle, sweet tone. It can also come in the form of a babbling brook, with a stronger but soothing melody. Water can come crashing down from rocks with beautiful yet loud force. And in some cases, water can be a large wall of unstoppable force, raging like a freight train with nothing able to stand in it's way without the unsettling thought of perishing into a million insignificant pieces. Yet still, it remains water. Just the very thought of standing before a holy, perfect God, absolutely vulnerable and uncovered, strikes unfathomable fear in me. This God we are standing in front of is able to destroy entire WORLDS. Isaiah 24:1 states, "Behold, the LORD will empty the earth and make it desolate, and He will twist its surface and scatter its inhabitants." Now read that again and try not to have shivers run down your spine. Isaiah is trying to warn these people that if they do not begin listening to God, He will destroy and rip apart the world. I don't know about you, but I would be making sure that I am standing in front of this God in the up-most respect. After all, this God we are talking about is HUGE. He is WILD. He is UNSAFE. He could strike us down in the blink of an eye. As Lucy said of Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia, "He is not a tame lion." Yet...He is gentle, soothing and gracious. We see His beautiful and sweet nature in everything around us. His grace permeates the very fiber of our being because we are simply able to take one more breath. Just as water flows sweetly down a babbling brook, so our fierce God stands next to us, puts His arms around us, and says, "You are mine. And I love you." The psalmist cries in Psalms 86, "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." He is not only full of steadfast love, but He is abounding. And that abounding love is as ferocious as it is gentle and soothing. Not only His presence, but the very fact that He is should bring joy and comfort to our sinful, brittle hearts. But this world will not listen. Water is also affected by temperature. Now, no matter the temperature, the fact still remains that it is indeed H2O. However, giving someone a hot cup of water on a 100 degree day is probably not going to win anyone over. And just the same, giving someone an ice bath after they had just been in sub-zero temperatures will quite possibly lose you some friends. But...give someone a nice, cool glass of ice water during a warm, humid day and it will touch their soul. This is the same in how we approach those who have rejected (Yes, I said rejected) the sweet yet ferocious love of God. See, the bond between God and man was cut off during the Fall in Genesis. Therefore, communion with God is something that, without the way that Christ made for us, is simply not possible. That is why God came down as Christ to bridge the gap between Him and us. But even though that has been done, we still seem to turn our back to Him and say, "Nah, I've got it all covered." Therefore, if someone rejects God's love, how should we present it to them in a way that intrigues them? Sometimes, that means giving them time. After all, you don't want to give someone a freezing cold ice bath in sub-zero temperatures. They are not ready for that. Wait until they are warmed up a little, but until that time comes...show them the area where the fire is going. Be their friend. Lay your life down for them. Allow them to be ready for that cup of water when the time comes. Water is a gift that God gives us not only to quench our thirst, or to splash on our bodies to get us clean. Water is a way that God shows His love for us in everything He does so perfectly. And He doesn't do this by accident or by chance. Everything He shows is for a purpose. I pray His unchanging waters would wash over you today. |